I frequently provide LGBT couples therapy in addition to my work as an individual therapist. In fact, I would say that the majority of the clients, with whom I work, specifically tell me that they sought me out because I'm a gay therapist. While I think there is definite utility in having personal perspective as a gay therapist on the unique challenges faced by LGBT couples, I don't think that being gay or lesbian is sufficient for successful LGBT couples therapy.
Many therapists out there claim to provide "couples therapy", but what does that really mean? Anyone with training in mental health and a professional license can technically call himself or herself a "couples therapist." How does that mean, though, that the therapy they are providing to clients is necessarily effective? I always tell my clients that some therapies have been demonstrated in the research literature to be more effective than others. I couldn't even begin to tell you about the numerous horror stories I've heard over the years about clients' past therapy experiences. Probably the number one complaint I hear is that "the therapist just kind of listened...they didn't really show me how to fix what I was going through."
When providing LGBT couples therapy I use an eclectic approach, incorporating aspects of several evidence-based theoretical approaches, tailored specifically to what each couple needs at the time. However, I primarily approach my work with LGBT couples from the perspective of The Gottman Method, an evidence-based, semi-structured approach, which was devised by psychologists John Gottman, PhD and Julie Gottman, PhD. Drs. Gottman developed their approach to couples therapy after decades of studying those factors, which can make or break a romantic relationship. In fact, they are able to predict with over 90% accuracy which couples will end up separating after seeing them dialogue for a brief 10-minute period about a conflict topic.
I begin work with LGBT couples by initially meeting together with both relationship partners to gather the perspective of both regarding the ups and downs they have shared during their time together. Then, each partner meets with me individually, so I can obtain any relevant personal history. We then meet again conjointly, so I can provide feedback to the couple regarding the identified strengths and challenges of the relationship and make recommendations for what our focus should be in treatment.
A large component of effective couples therapy is learning and developing better communication and listening skills--something, with which many couples struggle. I am continually surprised by the number of couples, who inevitably tell me, "this is the first time we've ever been taught how to do things like this in therapy...our last therapist just let us talk about whatever."
If you're looking to get your relationship back on track, I would be honored to help. For further information regarding my LGBT couples therapy services, have a look at related topics published on my blog.
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